


Baby Me

by shrift



Series: Castle Fanworks [3]
Category: Castle
Genre: Gen, Humor, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 19:56:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrift/pseuds/shrift
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Javier Esposito: former Army Special Forces and current baby whisperer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sinead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinead/gifts).



Esposito knocked on Ryan's door and then waited. Inside, he could hear a baby crying, a couple of banging noises, and a weird, shuffling gait. The chain and locks were undone slowly, which made sense because Ryan was holding his baby in his right arm when he swung open the door.

"Yo," Esposito said and held out his hands. "Baby me."

Ryan stared at him blankly. His hair was hilarious. He had a patch of something flaking off his face. He was wearing dirty sweatpants and he kinda smelled bad.

"What? Why? You don't like babies," Ryan said.

Esposito shrugged. "Yeah, well. This one's yours. Come on, bro. Gimme."

Ryan handed over his crying baby awkwardly. Esposito took him and cradled him against his chest, bouncing the kid a couple of times. The kid made a snuffling noise and stopped crying, opening and closing his tiny fists. He wore a onesie with little monkeys rolling around on it and a matching swaddling blanket.

"How do you and Castle do that?" Ryan asked miserably.

"Because even your baby knows we're cooler than you?" The baby coughed and spit up some formula on Esposito's Henley. Defending his lame dad already.

Ryan winced. "Yeah, apparently that's going to happen now. You either get used to the smell or your change your shirt a lot."

Esposito kicked his duffel bag across the door sill and walked into the apartment. "Relax, bro. I came prepared."

Ryan turned around and face-planted the couch. "Jenny's asleep and I couldn't get Patrick to stop crying. It's like my first day on the job all over again, but this time I broke my baby."

Esposito sat in the chair. "I would love to make fun of you for this, but you're too pathetic. It's a disgrace."

"I know," Ryan moaned into the couch cushions.

"So what we're gonna do right now is you are going to give me a burp cloth and one of those tiny newborn bottles of formula, and then you are taking a shower."

"What?" Ryan asked and sat up. He'd transferred the crusty thing on his face to the couch, at least.

"I'm doing you a solid. Say thank you," Esposito said.

"Thank you," Ryan said with feeling and scrambled to comply.

When the shower came on, Esposito carefully leaned over to get the remote from the coffee table and turned on the television. "Let's see what's on, little man." He flipped it over to Nick Jr. and expertly fed Patrick his bottle. "See that? That's Bubble Guppies. In a couple of years, your dad is gonna hate this show with every fiber of his being. I'm looking forward to the face he makes at Yo Gabba Gabba! I'm also kinda looking forward to the damage you're gonna do to his fancy wardrobe."

Patrick finished the bottle. Esposito wiped his face with the burp cloth and then draped it over his shoulder. He patted Patrick's back until he burped messily. Esposito averted his face and grimaced at the stink.

"Patty-cake, that smells awful, and I have to dig around in dumpsters for a living."

Ryan came out the bedroom with wet hair and a fresh set of pajamas. "Okay! I'm here. Please tell me my baby's alive."

"Bro, I told you I got this," Esposito said. Patrick was asleep on his shoulder.

"Oh, thank god," Ryan said. He came close and touched his baby's head gently. "You're never allowed to leave."

Esposito looked at him. "You tell me I'm this kid's Godfather or I'm out the door right now."

Ryan looked guilty. "Uh."

Esposito turned his head and eyed him. "Uh?"

"I need to talk it over with Jenny, okay? She may want someone from her family."

"I see," Esposito said, nodding. "I'm not good enough."

"Um, my baby clearly prefers you over his own father, so I don't know where you're going with this," Ryan said.

"Is it because of my apartment building? Because I can move," Esposito said. "Or is it because I'm single. That's it, isn't it?"

Ryan put his hand over his eyes. "I have sleep deprivation and you're the one not making any sense."

Tabling his argument for the moment, Esposito said, "Take a nap or I'll make you listen to The Fresh Beat Band."

"The what what band?"

Esposito held the laugh in as much as he could to avoid startling the warm baby cuddled on his chest. "Oh, you'll learn."

"That sounds ominous," Ryan said. He collapsed on the couch again and closed his eyes, no doubt his time on the job had him taking the opportunity to sleep when one presented itself.

Esposito waited until Ryan started snoring lightly to flip the channel over to football. He poked at one of Patrick's hands until Patrick wrapped his tiny fingers around Esposito's index finger.

"Don't tell your dad I said anything, but you're pretty cute for a baby," Esposito said.


End file.
